Archive for September 15th, 2010

Let’s just clarify

Let’s just clarify something first.

I just want all of you to know that I am NOT going to commit suicide. Several of you have called or sent me notes of encouragement or called Mike.  I was just in a really low place yesterday.  I worry about a lot of things and when I didn’t get the answers from my doctor and I saw the price of medication, I just lost it.  I just hit a real low.

I just wanted to clear that up.  I AM NOT GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE.  I never could do that.

RSD sucks, and I’m just going through a mourning right now.  I’m trying to figure it all out.  I’m finally coming to the realization that this will never go away.  And so I cry.  But I cry about everything.  Most of you just never see it.

However, I do know a God that is greater than RSD.  I know that something good is going to come from all this horrible pain.  I just know it!  He is an awesome God.  And even though it’s not revealed to me right now, it will be some day.

Because I have hope.  Yesterday I couldn’t see it or feel, but today is a new day.  And a new day brings new blessings.

My blessings today:

  • Clarky came up and kissed my whole face, like about 3 time today.  He’s never done that. 😀
  • Cade and Clark didn’t have school today so I was able to rest the whole day.
  • My foot felt well enough to make a pot of pasta with marinara sauce (from a jar :D)

So I do have great things in my life.  I have things to live for, LOTS of things to live for.  I just got temporarily blinded by all the worry and pain.  And you got to experience me at my lowest.  Lucky you!!  Ha, Ha!

Looking forward to the new blessings tomorrow!


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