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Archive for July 23rd, 2010

Holding on to Hope

Oh, Friends…I’ve been so out of the loop the last couple of weeks.  So far out that I can’t even see the loop, but I’m finally starting to search for it, at least.  I’m sorry if I’ve left you hanging, but if you’re on Facebook, you’ve probably seen my statuses and know a little bit.  I do want to start posting some recipes again, but I’m not making any big promises.  It hurts to stand up and walk on this crazy foot for long periods of time.  I’ve just not had a big desire to do any baking or cooking.  I was able to make some Snickerdoodles, per my oldest babies’ request; and some of my Oatmeal Bars for a service project for Mike, and Pasta Salad (for me!).  We’ve been eating a whole lot of sandwhiches lately….lol And I’ve been really enjoying these little tomatoes from my “garden“.

I had my appointment with Dr Fan and the prognosis was hopeful. He gave me scripts for amitriptyline (an antidepressant to help me sleep) and oxycodone to help with the pain during the day. He also had me get blood work done to check my vitamin D levels and ordered physical therapy. He predicts I’ll be walking without a limp in a month! Yeah!!! I’ve been limping for 3 months now and I actually had a dream a few weeks ago about walking without pain. Sad but true.

The amitriptyline knocked me out cold.  For like, an entire day.  Actually, two days because I thought the first night was just a fluke, so I took it another night and I was out again most of the next day. Not so great since I’m a stay at home mommy….ugh.   I’ve since then, cut the pills in half and have had a lot better luck with sleeping at night (and getting up the next day…lol)

The oxycodone is wonderful…kinda.    It keeps the pain down, but makes me drowsy.  I’m looking forward to the day when I can stop taking them (I hope!!)

My vitamin D levels came back really low.  The nurse told me that normal range for vitamin D levels are anywhere between 32 and 100.  Mine was 20.  I just take one pill a week, so it’s hard to tell at this point how much it’s helping.  Again…holding on to hope.

I started Physical Therapy last week, and I’m not gonna lie:  it was a tough week.  It hurts.  a lot.  And last Friday and yesterday (Saturday) were the worst.  I had terrible stabbing pain…and I cried.  a lot.

I cried because it hurt.

I cried because I feel bad for my husband. (He wants to do something and there’s nothing to do)

I cried because I feel bad for my kiddos. (They’ve lost most of their summer to a sick mommy)

I cried because I wished I was a little girl again so my momma could make it all better with a hug and a kiss.

But then I’d finally give up and take the oxycodone and feel a little normal again.

This RSD journey I’m on is a tough one.  Man, is it tough….

But I know that God has a purpose in all of it and I’m hanging on to His Hope.

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