Hello Friends.
I’m still here, kinda. The last few weeks have been some of the toughest days I’ve ever experienced in my life. On Sunday October 23rd Cader accidently hit the top of my RSD foot with a belt buckle. He was just trying to take it off my bed and the buckle flopped over…I talked about this last time. Well, just a few short 14 days later, Clarky accidently kicked my RSD toes, as in feeling like I stubbed it all over again. I instantly just started crying and saying, “Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no” over and over again. Of course, Clarky started crying, too and saying, “I’m sorry, Mommy!”. The last 11 days have just been terrible.
I’m so lost. This time around not only am I dealing with the horrific pain levels (I’ve put calls in to both of my drs about changing my meds…waiting on their decisions),
but the nasty arms of depression have wrapped itself around me.
This is my secret little demon I’ve dealt with since my pregnancy with Clarky. I’ve been on medication and it’s helped…a lot, but there are certain triggers or that time of the month that make it a little more difficult.
But then I got RSD, and it’s sent my depression into a whole new realm. The beginning of my diagnosis was a particularly difficult time, and you can read that in a few of my posts. It had several of you scared.
So here’s my disclaimer again: I would never and will never take my own life.
But by the very fact that I’m even saying something like this, let’s you know the seriousness of depression. Not only has the pain and depression left me feeling lost, I feel like I have lost so much.
Independence
Friends
Ability to make friends
My ministry
Cognitive skills
Can no longer bake or cook
The list could go on….
And to top it all off…I feel like a real hypocrite. I know deep in my heart that my previous posts are things that God wanted me to share with you, though.
Anyways…I just wanted to let you know why I haven’t said anything in while….not only is my foot/leg in a lot of pain, but my heart and mind are hurting, too. Please just keep praying for me. I do know that God is for me, but there are some days I don’t feel it…I just have to keep saying it to get through the day.
Thanks for the post…Love ya Shara!
Shara, God bless you for laying bare your heart and feelings. I’ve lived long enough to know that there’s not a “fix” for some things, but I’ve been working on cultivating the fruit of the Spirit in my life longer than I can remember. It’s the biggest job I’ve had, but it is so rewarding to see the fruit and its influence on others. Hang in there! My love to all the Campbells. — Wayne
Hi, Shara, My name is Patsy Thacker and I’m a member of Fairmount. Even thought we’ve never personnally met, I wanted you to know that you, Mike and the boys are in the prayers of many at Fairmount. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog; the matter in which you are able to express yourself, lets all of us know that the Lord is with us and will lead us through life’s many trials even though we don’t understand the why’s. You have a very special talent in the matter in which you express yourself and the Lord is using your talent. We are so glad that your family is now a part of the Fairmount family. Stand strong in your faith, Shara; and may the Lord embrace you with His healing power. Patsy Thacker
Oh sugar pie…..
That’s what you need. You need me to come bake a pie for you. And hug you tight. And cry with you. And pray with you. And laugh with you.
This has all been so much.
This has all taken so much.
I cried when I read this and on my knees…prayed for you. On the spot.
I hope you felt it.
Lordy, I miss you and feel terrible for your suffering.
I’m sorry.
XO
XO
XO
I miss you so much….
Miss you and your wonderful family.
Thank you for sharing your heart. That is a very brave and courageous thing to do. God will use it to help someone else.
Praying for you and your family
Love you, friend!
I also deal with depression, Shara and I know it soooo hard!!! Some days I think I can’t go on, but would also never ever take my life. Although the devil from time to time has put it in my mind. I love you more than you will ever know!!! You will always be my sweet little blonde haired beautiful inside and out little cuz!!! I think of you often and miss you much!!! Sending many prayers and lots of hugs your way!!!! Love Always, Mindy
Shara – thank you SO MUCH for investing the energy for your posts in October and November. When Fairmount’s article goes out next week, my prayer is that you’ll have a new group of friends and followers to minister to AND that you’ll meet some special virtual friends who will bless you as well. Sending love, prayers for comfort & a reminder to pull out that 1000-watt gorgeous smile of yours!